Save You
by CSIKrissy
Summary: I think he knows I’m going to be digging into him for answers, he knows me too well. But I know him too, and I’m not just gonna let this one slip."


It has been a long and hard 3 days, we'd finally managed to wrap up a huge case. And as usual, I walk into Mac's office and we spill our thoughts together, it often helps after big cases. And plus; I always just like to know that Mac is okay.  
I watch him sigh and rub the back of his neck; he looks way too tense and exhausted beyond belief.  
I wanted so badly to walk over and place my hands on his shoulders, relieve some of the stress. Maybe nuzzle the side of his neck and...  
_Anyway_,it looked like something was troubling him, so I try to say something reassuring.

"You know Mac, we got him before he did anymore damage."  
He finally looks up and makes eye contact with me, nodding his head slowly  
"Yeah, I'm glad we did."  
"Are you okay?" I ask  
"I'm fine; it's just been a long few days." He says shifting in his chair  
"Well you need to go home and get some sleep, you wouldn't have gotten any over the past 3 days right?"  
He gave me one of his half smiles.  
"I'll be going soon Stella. You go home, you've worked enough overtime."  
"I'll see you tomorrow then."  
"Goodnight."

I had a real sudden erg to go over and hug him, _tightly_. I don't know why I didn't; I do it all the time.  
But he has so much on his mind and he probably just wants me to leave so he can be alone. So I stop myself, give him a smile and walk out slowly, wishing I could do more to help him.

It's early the next morning, 7 am, about 8 hours after our last conversation in his office. We're all waiting in the break room, and when he comes in I immediately notice his wearing his plain white shirt today, which makes him look as pale as anything, and I _hate_ it.  
_'He needs colour _'I think to myself.  
My eyes then drift to his face, the bags under his eyes were still the same, matter of fact i think they had gotten bigger since we last talked. _'God dammit, he still hasn't slept'_Mac sends Danny and Sheldon on their way, and then Lindsay off on a small case, Don tagging along with her.  
Now it's just me and him left in the room, and concern rushes over me because I know that he hasn't been in the best state, even before the big case. And I can't help but bring up the subject again.  
"So did you sleep last night?" I ask, a little more forcefully then I intended.  
He shot me a guilty glance, and didn't say anything.

I knew the answer.

"Maybe a couple of hours, but I had a lot on my mind."  
"I'm worried about you, you know."  
"Don't be." He said almost immediately

We stood there for a good 10 seconds in silence, while he gathered some things together and made his way to the door  
"We'll go in my car?" He asks  
I stood there a little longer, and quickly suggested we go out for dinner later on, just have a good chat.  
He surprisingly agrees. I thought it was going to be much tougher, I'm glad.

The rest of the day seemed to linger on forever, I was looking to forward to our dinner, particularly because we hadn't done it in a while.  
I told him it was just the coffee place across the road from work; I thought he'd be comfortable here in familiar surroundings.  
I arrived 10 minutes early, which gave me enough time to think about what I was going to say to him. I was the only one who could knock some sense into him about working too hard. I wanted him to relax, even if it was for 5 minutes, I don't care.

I must have been deep in thought, because next thing I know his sliding into the seat across from me, and I had to shake my head a little to focus.

"Hey." He says, voice low and drained.  
"Hey." I say back, grinning at him.  
"How have you been?" he asks  
"I'm good. How have you been?"  
"Fine, I suppose."  
"So, what's up? What's on your mind?" I ask, getting straight to the point.  
I move forward a little, arms folded on the table, bracing myself for whatever he needs to tell me.  
He doesn't answer straight away; he slowly takes his jacket off, then just sits there, collecting his thoughts.  
Maybe there's more to this then I thought. But I wait patiently.  
I think he knows I'm going to be digging into him for answers, he knows me too well. But I know him too, and I'm not just gonna let this one slip.

He finally gives in and sighs  
"Its last week's case, the young girl."  
"Emily Watson?"  
"Yes."  
"She was the one who lost her mother in 9/11..." I then stopped myself, realising.

Oh no,_ Claire_.

"Mac, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me it was still affecting you?"  
"I was going to, but then this huge case came up and..."

I reached my hand out over his, squeezing gently. He looked up at me, his stormy blue eyes in that familiar place I've seen too many times. Dark and full of hurt.

"It's okay. We're here now, and we can talk. If you want too."  
I felt his hand slightly tighten around mine, and I smile to myself because I can tell he appreciates the comfort.

"Well there's not much to tell really" he begins. "She was just talking to me about the whole day and about her mother and, well, to be honest I hadn't thought about Claire in a long time. Not that I had forgot her or anything. But everything just came flooding back again."  
"I understand."  
"It just hit me. Especially because I've been trying to..." he takes a deep breath before he continues again "Move on."

My heart sinks because I knew those last two words hurt him like hell. This is the first time his admitted to me about moving on from Claire, finally letting her go. And I just want to pull him into my arms, hold him, and tell him everything is going to be alright.  
Matter of fact I almost did, but something held me back, "You know I'm here for you. I'll help you get through this Mac."  
"Thanks." He says "I wouldn't want anyone else."

I suddenly felt all warm inside at those words; like my heart was going to explode from my chest right there and then. He hadn't said something like that in a long time. My mind starts going into over drive, thinking back.  
_I honestly couldn't do this job without you, I'm here for you, I appreciate you too, you're the strongest person I know_That one little sentence has caught me so off guard I'm pretty sure his noticed, because his now looking straight at me with a questioning look.  
"You okay Stella?"  
_I don't wanna be anywhere else but here, with you. You're all I want, all I need. I love you so much...  
_"Of course. I'm not going anywhere, you can always count on me you know that right?"  
"Yes, I know. Thank you again."  
"Anytime."

I seemed to somehow avoid embarrassment as we fell silent just for a little while. And sometimes I like it like this, because we don't need words, and it's not awkward or anything. Plus, it gives me time to wonder and take in all the things I love about him.  
Like his lips, neck, strong torso, and those hands... Uh, my mind is drifting again, but thankfully he speaks.  
"Well, I don't want to keep you up all night, its getting late." he says  
"Your not keeping me up Mac, don't worry. But it is getting late, I gotta catch a cab home."  
"You do?"  
"Car is getting fixed, I've been meaning to do that for a while now."  
"Let me give you a lift home."  
"We live on opposite sides of town remember?"  
"I really don't mind at all, I'd rather take you then have to send you off in some cab." He explains  
I smile widely at him and accept his offer, because he is being _so_ sweet tonight and I'm finding it hard to believe my ears.

We pay for the bill and head out the door, his hand lightly touching my lower back, leading me out into the cold, crisp night.  
I pull my coat tighter around my body as we walk side by side together, again in silence, all the way to his car.  
Like the gentlemen he is, he goes around and opens the door. "Mac, you don't have too." I say, I couldn't help but smile at him again.  
"It's fine." He says, this time smiling back me.

Even at this hour, the traffic of New York never seems to rest. There's only the faint sound of the radio in the background, and also all the noise of the city. I try not to make it obvious, but I steal some sideways glances and watch him as he tries to find ways of beating the traffic.  
We eventually make it to my apartment, but I find myself not wanting to move from the passenger seat. I expect him to say goodnight, and wait for me to get out. But he doesn't say anything either and I start to wonder if maybe, just maybe he is thinking the same thing.

I decide to break the silence. "Thank you for coming out tonight, Mac."  
"It's okay; I always enjoy your company."  
There he goes again with a sweet remark, and it's just making me want him even more.  
"Same here, we need to do it more often I think."  
He turns to me and nods. And we're both not moving again.

My heart starts to race, thinking frantically what to do next. Should I just end it here?  
Without hesitation, I lean over and kiss his cheek, just like every other time I say goodbye. But only this time, he turns his head just a little, as if he was going to say something at the same time.  
I freeze on the spot, and so does he, because I'm now kissing the corner of his mouth, and I think we both realise that we could both just give in, right now.  
I'm not even thinking straight right at this second, the next thing I know, our lips are together.

And that's the end of my patience.

My hands go straight to his face, and his arm stretches out to my side, pulling me to him.  
I struggle to find the seatbelt and unfasten it as he eagerly pulls me over more, ending up in his lap.  
His arms are wrapped tight around me, and I can't help but take fistfuls of his shirt. I love the feeling of being pressed up against him.  
His kisses are hard and rough, and I don't think It will ever be enough. All these years I've waited and wondered and danced around him, are spilled into this moment.  
We both finally part and struggle for breath, but only seconds later to kiss back. I just let his kisses wash over me.

"Stella?" I hear him say breathlessly  
"Yes?"  
"You're beautiful."

I smile and kiss him softly, thinking how much I love him.  
"Do you want to come up for another coffee?" I suggest, it was the only thing I could think of.  
He just looks at me for a minute, his eyes wondering over me. I felt his hand rub up and down my arms, instantly giving me Goosebumps.  
"Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I fumble for my keys and unlock the door, quickly closing it behind us. Before he could say anything, I hug him, just because I felt like it.  
He immediately accepts, and wraps his arms fully around me, tracing soft kisses on my forehead.

"Stella?"  
"Yes, Mac?"  
"Are you sure about this?" he asks, a hint of worry in his voice.  
"Trust me Mac; I've been sure for years." I say, barely a whisper.  
"Really?"  
"Yes really."  
"So have I."  
I pull back and look up at him, because I wasn't expecting that.  
"We could have been together all this time..." he adds  
"No it's okay, you weren't ready, I knew that." I say brushing my hand across his cheek lightly.  
He smiles slightly, "Your right."

We make our way over to my couch, and snuggle up to one another. I think we've both forgotten about the coffee, But I don't even care because I'm quite content being here in his arms.  
But then both our phones go off and I sigh in frustration "Duty calls."  
"It's always going to be like that you know."  
"I know." I say hugging him tighter.  
His phone then rings and its Flack, I can here him as Mac speaks to him "I messaged Stella, she'll be there too" I here him say faintly.  
I smile to myself at the fact Don has know idea where we both are and what we're doing.  
"I'll be right there." Mac says hanging up.

"You can come to my place tonight if you want?" He quickly suggests as we make our way to the door.  
"Sure, I'd love that." I say giving him one last kiss before the road.  
And Stella..."  
"Mm?"  
"Thank you" he says softly.  
I grin widely at him "What for?"  
"For saving me."

I don't even have to ask what he means, I know. Maybe last weeks case was a sign? Maybe I was meant to ask him out for dinner and let this night unfold. Whatever the case, I was happy. And for the first time in ages, I could see he was too. Like a weight was lifted off his shoulders.  
"We both saved each other Mac."


End file.
